I’ve tried to do some navel-gazing lately, unfortunately all I’ve come up with is ……. lint, and if I have to explain that I’ve missed the mark.
The website Answers.com defines “navel-gazing” as:
Excessive introspection, self-absorption, or concentration on a single issue.
According to Wikipedia it’s also known as Omphaloskepsis.
Now while I would love to be able to accomplish this in part, the ‘introspection, or contemplation’, it has so far eluded me. I typically have any number of things running through my mind, but many of them are not fit for mixed audiences or small children. They often seem to bolt through my thoughts like a streaker across the infield at the top of the 9th. I wish I could hang onto those thoughts long enough to digest them fully but they frequently elude my attempts, they are in … and back out again just as quickly.
What made me think of this topic today is a tv series I’ve been watching with my wife, “Sons of Anarchy“, about a motorcycle ‘club’ and it’s evolution. One of the main characters has found a journal written by his late father, one of the original founding members of the club chapter. In it the father commented on the path the motorcycle club had taken during his involvement, and the decline or stepping away from original goals (in his mind). The father philosophized over the causes and his perceived resolutions, the whys and what to do’s.
It was this dialogue he had with himself in the journal that sparked this most recent introspection of mine. I thought how important that would be, to leave a commentary on one’s life for your children, a blueprint of your thoughts and feelings on life’s events. A capturing of your life’s perceptions, an inside look into your head. That is in part what I had hoped to accomplish here, in this blog.
This blog was/is my journal but it does not have nearly the introspection I had hoped it would, it isn’t deep nor as philosophical and that may have to be ok. However if it is to be a record of my thoughts and dreams, my opinions and perceptions, I’m going to have to step it up a bit.
This may be a challenge for me. My thoughts, while sometimes deep, are also occasionally erratic and perhaps superficial. I have been known to hedge my bets, to sit on the fence, and to be non-committal. None of these lend well to a thought provoking internal dialogue, never mind a journal that would hold much interest. I can be self-deprecating and perhaps even to a degree self loathing, the latter certainly not admirable nor helpful.
I chalk up my fence sitting and similar traits to my ability to see multiple sides to any given situation. In my experience things are seldom what they seem. There are generally at least 3 sided to any story, yours, mine, and the truth. This belief, and likely some fear on my part of putting my personal opinions out there, holds me back. Also connected to that string of thought is that by my expressing strong opinions and perceptions here I may hurt someone, even unintentionally. I don’t want that. So I’m stuck.
That all being said perhaps I am able to be open, is that not what I just did, even a little? Perhaps there’s more in my navel yet to discover.
ps The attached photo has nothing to do with the topic, I just thought it was cool.