The Big “C” Caffeine


I’m getting anxious again, it’s not overwhelming but uncomfortable nonetheless.  It’s manageable.  At worst it’s quite a disconcerting feeling, and for those that have real anxiety attacks I can imagine it must be a horrible experience. Mine is more a result, or contributed by, the big “C”.  That would be Coffee with too much Caffeine.

I’ve had these pangs of stress before, see “Coffee, With a Capital C” for some historical perspective, but needless to say my problem is largely self inflicted (I think).  It surprised me today though because I limited myself to just one cup with breakfast.  Now mind you that one cup was made with my stove-top expresso maker so the resulting brew is pretty high test, premium as opposed to regular octane.  And I haven’t used decaf for a while either which would have helped.  It was a delicious cup though, aromatic and full bodied, stimulating on multiple levels.

I think this occasional hyperness is also just part of my nature, and whether it’s just an emotional intensity that’s exacerbated by the big C, or my perceived ADD, or just that I’m just a bit f***ed up, I can’t say for sure.  I do know it’s annoying at best and sometimes a little debilatating.  The situation is complicated because I have soooo many things I want to do, and many of them I try to do at the same time.  Well not really at the SAME time, but during the same time period, such that I seldom ever get any of them completed to my satisfaction.

That should be another clue too, that these tasks are not done to my satisfaction.  I am a bit of a perfectionist and if I’m not happy with something I may abandon it before I get it completed to my standards.  Pisses my wife off for sure.  I thought retirement would help me this, and I still do actually, it’s just a matter of getting my sea legs.  Or so I keep telling myself.

At this point in time some of my ongoing projects are (in no particular order): getting gardens/yard put to bed, welding projects for myself and friends, prepping my project truck (getting it and parts truck into or beside the garage), photography in general, blogging, exercise, webpage improvements, relaxation, etc. etc..  Doesn’t sound too bad does it?

So here I’m going to kill two birds with one stone.  I’m posting a photo, which I’d like to do more frequently, and getting one post out  at the same time.  I’ve not edited the shot as that would only complicate my life further at this time.  I’m trying to get a handle on my interests and time spent on them after-all.  Editing and photo enhancement etc. is certainly on my list, just not today.

I took this shot on the way to Nelson one recent morning when I was taking my wife’s car into the shop.  One of the roads to Nelson passes along the Kootenay Canal, which is where I got the pic.  I thought it looked pretty cool in the morning light, with the mist off the water and some early fall colours.

Kootenay Canal with morning fog

In addition to taking many more shots now (about 1500 since Aug) I have also endeavored to catalogue not only the new pictures but those I’ve taken over the years.  To that end I acquired LightRoom 4.2 and a bunch  of my time (read that as days) has been eaten up with the learning curve for that software.  Throw in the creation of a web gallery and trying to bring up my own website and you may get a sense of what’s leading to my stress.

When I look at it in the big picture though I realize how fortunate I am to even be able to have these ‘problems’ and while I do whine about things now and then I really am a happy person.  It’s just that I have your ear, and you have to listen, don’t you?

As always, any comments or insights are truly appreciated.  Big ‘C’ over and out.


  1. oldsunbird

    Dwayne, sounds like you may be one of those people who cannot drink even one cup of coffee. I can’t, for sure. Just one mild cup renders me useless. My heart pounds so fast and I feel like my thoughts go faster than my body. It’s an awful feeling.
    I love the photo, by the way.
    Sounds also like you are putting too many demands on yourself. Maybe just tackle one thing at a time. I have that problem, wanting to do too much and not being able to decide which to do first, so often I just don’t do anything. .
    Enjoy, Dwayne, enjoy! Just slow down and enjoy lyour retirement.

    1. SkiDaddy

      It may be that I’ve developed some sensitivities to coffee, I will have to watch that. I used to be able to drink coffee all night, when I worked night shift, and then go home to sleep without issue. We do change though over time, I do know that.
      Thanks for the comments on the pic.

  2. endpicking

    Caffeine attacks! I get those, too. I can have a cup of coffee now and then, but if I have more than one I’m all jittery, I can’t concentrate and sometimes it does lead to a full blown panic attack. So I tend to avoid it.

    But the thing is, like you, I used to drink caffeine all the time to get me through night shifts. I drank up to 12 coffees a day. No idea what changed.

    Beautiful picture.

    1. SkiDaddy

      Thanks for the comments.
      I wish I knew why some days it isn’t a problem but it is not yet so much an issue that I’ll give it up, I’ll just have to watch my consumption to minimize the effects.
      If nothing else it can hype me up for a walk. Lol

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