Damn those meds, those little yellow tabs of……what, of what? Life? Normalcy? Equilibrium? …..What are they doing to, or for, me? Do they have me under their spell, are they my control or my Savior?
Can I live without them? Will I still be depressed?
Some time ago I posted about cutting back on my meds, the post was called The Call Has Been Made, All in Favor? I relented at that time and said No, I won’t cut back, I’ll leave well enough alone and for a variety of reasons.
I’ve since changed my mind once again and done what I said I wouldn’t do. I’ve cut back to one tablet a day (when I remember to take them at all of course), that would be 15 mg I think. I made the move about a week or 10 days ago now.
I am not sure how I feel, or rather I’m unsure if how I feel is better or just the status quo. I understand that moods can be varied and I’m optimistic that my changes in mood, if that’s all they are, are more a result of extraneous environmental elements rather than just me having screwed up brain synapses. I think depression is funny that way.
I have been vacillating in my decision to play with dosages because on the one hand it’s likely something I should do with a Doctors support, and on the other I’m getting frustrated that I have to keep taking the stupid pills. I think I’m past the point where they are necessary, or certainly hope so anyway.
And yes, I know, “hope is not a plan”, but without making a move of some kind I guess I’ll never know. Is now the right time? Is there ever a “right” time? There are a number of things going on in my life right now, the trick will be determining which are affecting me and whether my feelings about them would be any different were I on my “normal” dosage.
Only time will tell now because it’s too late, I’ve bit the bullet.