I received a call the other day, really it was an email but the purpose was the same. It was a question, asked by the person who took over my previous role at work, “do you want to golf on Sunday?”. Now that sounds like a harmless question, and it may be just that simple, however my mind went into overdrive and I pondered the “What ifs?”
- What if he is really schmoozing me to find out if I want to go back to work on contract?
- What if he’s not, and he just wants to golf?
- What if he misses my smiling face and wants to bond?
- What if it’s none of the above?
Tough questions, all of them….. Not really!
I surmise what’s really happening is my ego is acting up, setting the stage for an “I’m so great and they can’t accomplish anything without me” attitude. I am thinking that in my deep hurt from how I left my career that I am looking for vindication on some level. I also suspect that this response is normal, or I certainly hope so. I don’t want to think I’m unbalanced or anything. I’m not happy that I feel this way, thinking my ego is taking over, but it wouldn’t be a stretch to my way of thinking.
I did email him back and I told him we were on the road camping, that I’d be unable to meet him. “When you get back call me” he said. Does that sound like somethings afoot to you? He has never asked me to golf yet, nor has he ever suggested I call him. Hmmm, inquiring minds need to know.
When all is said and done and our lives get back to normal I’m sure I’ll find out what the scuttle is, until then I’m left wondering. And the question is not only whether that’s what he wanted it’s also what will/would my answer be? That is the bigger question now isn’t it, to work or not to work? That’s the harder one to answer.