I’m Baa-aack…

I feel like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” where he sticks his head through the door and says “I’m Back”, although as I recall he said it more like “I’m baaaack”.  As it turns out when I did a Google search for a picture it came up with the photo you see and it was a post by the same name on a blog called Tales from the Vinyl Village.  Go figure.  You may not believe it but I had my title chosen before I even selected the photo, must be great minds think alike. The photo has that creepy look to it, that Jack did so well.

It’s been an interesting week or so, probably more if I add it all up.  Current plans revolve around the Easter festivities, a baby shower for my daughter, and ensuing mass of family and friends that will arrive to indulge in both.  I am on some levels looking forward to it, it can be my last hurrah of sorts.

Of course a dominant thought of mine is my impending retirement.  I still don’t really know how I feel about it, my emotions run the range from happy to sad, enthusiastic to disappointed, confused to….well, still confused.  At times I feel like Jack looks, menacing and all outta-sorts, not my particular choice of flavors but truthful nonetheless.  I believe I have a handle on my emotions but there will likely be a time when they will burst forth, probably at the most inopportune time and certainly when I least expect it.

One of my friends here had such an experience when he came to confirm that I was in fact leaving as quickly as he heard.  He became very teary and quite surprised me with his obvious depth of emotion, the caring that he exhibited.  I almost cried with him.  A truly touching time, a “Kodak moment”.

I tell myself I will maintain decorum at all costs, I’ll not give them (the “Mgmt. Man”) the satisfaction of knowing my hurt, and to be brutally honest it is hurt that I feel.  When you put 40 years into an organization, hell into anything, I don’t see how you could feel anything else.  It’s as if you feel like you are now invisible, you have just vanished and almost nobody knows you’ve gone or were ever there.  Not everyone sees it like that of course, I have many positive and caring relationships here, but when your bosses exhibit that trait you begin to wonder.

So I will move on and continue my efforts to be a optimistic person, to look on my experiences here as positive and remember fondly all the players and games we played.  Like one of my compandres said, we make our decisions and once done our goal needs to be to live with them.  I can still be sad, it’s a real emotion, but I need to be happy about so much more.  Cheers.

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