I’m S’appy, I’m H’ad

I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m both, I’m neither. I’m disappointed my career is almost over, but I’m stoked that retirement is imminent. The appreciation was missing, the acknowledgement of dedicated service for so many years. I’m now invisible, a cog on the wheel, a link in the chain that’s seen but not “seen”. Utilized but not utile, not seen as useful, or that’s how I feel.

Perhaps it’s my own “fault”, and i know fault is not an appropriate descriptor, but maybe I’m a contributor to the end result. My actions or lack thereof may have (likely did) in some way create an environment where any aspirations I had were not fulfilled.  The desires were there and I didn’t know how to achieve them.

There need not be any crying over spilled milk now, the past is just that, passed. I’m looking forward now, glad for what I had and appreciative for all my job brought me. My job was just that, a job, not my life nor my love. I find that elsewhere.

I’m like a caterpillar, waiting to emerge from my cocoon, to leave as a butterfly and spread my wings. I’m seen as beautiful to others, my colors beginning to burst forth. I will launch into the wind and go where it takes me, happy not sad, looking forward not back,

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