“Just write for the sake of writing” she said, “once you start don’t stop”. Boy, doesn’t that sound easy peasy. Just have to start, that’s the ticket.
Another workday was winding down, I peered longingly out my window at the sun soaked mountainside dreaming of stepping into the light, away from my desk and dispensing with my job once and for all. The glare from the sun was at times blinding, but no so much that I wouldn’t look again. It was like Medusa, I had to look, but I never turned to stone.
It’s been too long since I’ve posted, about 3 weeks, and I feel like going to confession, never mind that I’m not Catholic. I feel like spilling my guts, blurting out all those things that I feel is wrong with my life. I can’t do it. Oh I can blurt alright but I cannot in good conscience lament the life I have or have had. We are blessed, and my current challenge is maintain a hold on that perspective, and live it. Whether it’s this thing called “depression” or the weather, or just that my nature is to be this way, whatever the reason or cause I am looking for a way out of this dark tunnel.
I have to see Dad today, maybe that’s part of my funk. He affects me in subtle ways and not really for the good. And the fact I feel that way makes it even worse. Here’s a man that fathered me, wasn’t ever really a father mind you and that in itself causes me some hurt. It’s a real “chase your tail” kind of dilemma for me. So, take a deep breath and move beyond. I’m a reasonably bright individual and if others can get past their baggage so can I. Thanks for listening.
So once again, write for the sake of writing, that’s what I can do. I can write about things in my life, taking stock of my life and through this pen maybe gain a better appreciation of where and what I am. By this writing I can answer some of my own questions and come out of the tunnel into the light. The light of day, and the light of life.