To Rant, or Not to Rant, That is the Question

I’ve been feeling kinda emotionally crappy last couple days, makes me wonder if the change in meds is working for me.  At the same time I think it may be just me, who I am, and maybe I just sweat the small stuff too much and I just need to buck up and quit whining.  I can’t believe that this would be “normal” though as I was feeling pretty good before, all upbeat and stuff.  I do know I over-analyse things though, of that I’m sure, and there is an off chance that is the case here.

It started last night.  I went out for dinner with a group from work, one of them is leaving and this was a good-bye dinner, a last meal as it were.  I felt pretty good, had a couple drinks, and was enjoying a chat with one of the girls from HR about various philosophies in hiring practices.  After some time, and once dinner was over, she left to join another group.  No harm, no foul.  Being a work group of course the topic of work came up, and I was asked a question relating to a meeting we had earlier that day.  Being the diplomatic and ever accommodating soul that I am I responded.  But being the passionate person I am I’m afraid I put too much “heart” into the answer and started the emotional ball rolling.

Now for me work is something I am having challenges with at the best of times, not the work per se but the management leading such work and the way plans and objectives play out.  In short I’m horribly frustrated by my environment and I feel emotionally hurt, saddened and somewhat ostracized.  So of course my reactions always tend to have a negative spin, or at least they sound that way to me.  And if they sound that way to me I’m sure they do to others as well, and that likely influences their reaction to me and compounds whatever perceptions of me they may already have….

It isn’t really something I think I can to talk to anyone about either, certainly not from work, as I just begin to rant and that is counterproductive.  I have discussed it with my wife, and counselor, but at least part of my rant will have to be done here.

So the bottom line is that I think work is a negative for me, it’s apparent there is little positive that comes from it other than a cheque and some positive interpersonal relationships.  Both are very good, but the other negative components seem to outweigh that good.  Plain and simple it feels like it’s a counterproductive thing for me, but I’m scared of making a move.  Retirement is the likeliest choice, but what a big step.  Sounds like another fork in the road.

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