I am growing increasingly disillusioned in my working career. In my current read “The Gifted Adult” I am at a point where the topic is about striving for self-actualization, and how it is important (or very important) for many of the gifted. I would like to reach that point in my life, no question, nevermind whether I’m gifted or not. I have my doubts I can do it from here. Is it possible, Yes. Do I have the interest or energy, No. I feel as if I’m spinning my wheels here, and I don’t know if it is only me or the management of me. I suspect a little of both. I, and my tasks, are handled poorly or nonexistently, leaving me to my own device, much as a ship without a rudder. As you can likely pick up I am very frustrated
I am also afraid, afraid I will be found out and really afraid to leave on my own accord. When you have been employed at what is essentially your only job for 37 years you become accustomed to many things, one of which is a steady income. My pension will not be small but neither are my financial responsibilities. It will likely mean a radical adjustment of my spending and current lifestyle, to which I’ve become very accustomed.
I believe I am making progress in personal/emotional life, the depression is still likely there but more subdued. I am realizing things about myself, acknowledging others. It’s opening my eyes to what “should be”, and that is also causing me concern. One thing I’m sure of, “Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread” – Alexander Pope