It appears that keeping up the posts is a bigger challenge than I’ve anticipated, maintaining a schedule should not be too hard even though I can’t seem to achieve it.
I’m just waiting now for my appt with Gloria, don’t really know what we’ll chat about and I hope it will be fruitful.
One of my frustrations is continual procrastination, and I have a book on the topic and inevitably I continue putting off reading it. There’s something in that statement I think. I’ll have to resurrect it I think, and in fact at one point I thought I threw it out.
We could talk more about family issues too, either the mother/daughter dynamics, my annoyance with Mo’s sister, or perhaps my Dad and the issues around him. Likely that will come up. I think my most relative emotion there will be guilt, for not being there for him and also for not wanting to be. That’s likely the kicker.
After visit with Gloria:
Much of the above was discussed. And….
- possible visit with Tracy
- visiting/socializing with others, and likely work itself, require I “adapt”. Hearing it expressed that way opened my eyes.
- I shouldn’t feel guilty about my taking time away from Dad care, and asking for help
- I’m doing well in setting boundaries when it comes to socializing, in camping and at home. Ties in with the adapting theme.
- we talked about what gifted means, about seeing connections between things that others don’t see, or seeing them sooner. How I/we see or perceive more things around us, are sensitive to more sensory input (my words).
- I talked of how I feel as if I’m seen as a good listener, a trusted confidant, a wise soul, and how that can drain me, taking in others troubles with no one to talk to myself. I now talk to Gloria of course but ultimately a peer or someone of like mind, someone I can relate to on the same level, would be preferable. She suggests hat will likely come.
- we talked of this blog and the direction it has, and perhaps should, take. How I want to open up but at the same time are afraid of sharing too much.
I enjoy the chats when we do get into it, the nugget this week was my “adapting” to certain circumstances, a strength but something to be aware of so as not to overdo it. I adapt when in social circumstances, I adapt in my job, I adapt in areas which are somewhat outside my comfort zone. The act of adapting requires the expending of energy, putting up a “persona” of sorts, possibly a forcefield on occasion.
What I want to know is why can’t I come up with this shit on my own? I’m supposed to be a bright guy. Go figure.
And as an aside, is it (that I feel) constant validation I think Ma is looking for, judging by my take on various comments and the context she makes them in? Draining.