The Blog name/description is new but the content will remain the same.
When I began the exercise of writing this blog I thought I would be unique and name it “My Journey through Depression”, thinking I would be a trendsetter. Perhaps I should have googled the description beforehand as there are only about 5 million websites dealing with the same topic, many with a name very similar to the one I chose. Who d’ve thunk? So being the innovative guy I am I changed the description to what it is currently “Examining Myself – Depression & Being Gifted”. Perhaps it would be wise to google this as well to see how many have chosen this tagline.
Having done that now and coming back I see only references to Depression and Giftedness. A good sign. I wasn’t sure about posting the “gifted” part, I still have issues with that description. Although I think (ok I know) that I have a higher IQ than typical it is still something I have to accept and embrace. Why I should have a challenge with it I don’t know, I should be proud. I think part of it is that I have a distaste for those that toot their own horn, and I don’t want to be one of them. Question – Why is that?
It seems like that is the way of the world though, and those that succeed or advance in life generally do that. Pride and high self-esteem Even self help books and management leadership books say that blowing your own horn is important. That may be the case but it still doesn’t sit well with me. It reminded me of a passage in “Tribal Leadership” where they talked about a group of business men chatting in an elevator, each one explaining his accomplishments and successive explanations topping the previous ones. It went on to explain how that action was actually a sign that the group had advanced from one “Tribe” level or stage to another, as if the bravado itself was a sign of accomplishment and upward mobility. Still hard for me to do.
On a more personal note I do exhibit many of the signs of being gifted, perfectionism, quick to learn, interest in a wide range of topics and others. I may list some of them later. My memory is not good at this time, although improving, and the frustration I feel as being misunderstood and the feeling I have that I can see the big picture when others can’t, those may be some of the symptoms that are exaggerated by the depression. Even at that I don’t feel really depressed, I just know I am not feeling right. Better, but not right.
I have a visit with my therapist/counselor tonight, perhaps I will ask her.
Text below is from a document “Solutions for the Problems of Giftedness”.
It describes some of the characteristic traits, or rather some of the traits some of us have. I certainly have a few.
Disappointment in mentors
Earnestness, eager to please but hypersensitive to exploitation
Overinvesting in authorities, indifference to peers
The wise child adaptation, detached, observant, heightened empathic attunement but lonely, depressed, lacks confidence
Other problems, ways in which giftedness complicates things:
Tolerance for ambiguity & complexity leads to difficulty
making decisions, difficulty with career path
Becoming one-dimensional. Brain on a stick as one example
Intensity, too needy, too sensitive, too friendly, too excited, too driven, too disorganized, too fast, too competitive, too arrogant, work too hard
Desire for high stimulus situations, mischief, smug, bored, know-it-all; or procrastination, risk taking, need to make life difficult in order to feel like a hero
Thinking too much, can’t turn it off, obsessional style
Not having goals or never being satisfied; perfectionism; confusing exhaustion for accomplishment
Being smarter as a way of expressing anger